The List

A few weeks ago I created a small list of things I felt I needed to do to improve my life. Not that I'm in dire need of dramatic improvement, but I felt that getting more exercise, getting to bed at a more reasonable hour, spending more time with my family and such should be noble goals to which I could aspire. After creating this elaborate if not wholly original list of suggestions to myself I printed it out and pinned it up next to my monitor, a place that get more eye-time per square inch than the television, books or magazines about football.

Two weeks later I am beginning to realize that more effort may be necessary on my part than simply creating a list. I realize that in the deep and irrational parts of my brain (scientifically labeled the "big part where most of my thinking occurs") I had assumed on some level that the mandate of a very official looking list would automatically make the things on the list occur without anymore significant effort on my part. It was as though the list was not some reminders on things I should be doing, but some indomitable mandate to which the universe was expected to conform.


Unfortunately I now see that the creation has turned on its master. I did not realize the power of guilt with which I infused this list, and now instead of being an article of direction for the world it seems to have become a beacon of guilt for when I'm not meeting the goals of Sean-Two-Weeks-Ago. Oh, he was an idealic person of limitless hopes and dreams, that apparently I have an endless capacity for screwing up. He wanted a better life for me, here in the future of a fortnight later, but I have different plans that usually involve clicking that little Stumble button a few dozen times.

- Be asleep by Midnight. Well that's a nice plan, but my latest disc of Babylon 5 from Netflix isn't going to watch itself. And, two is kinda close to midnight.

- Be up by 8 every morning. Are you kidding? I didn't get to sleep until 2!

- Go to the gym three times a week. This is a great idea that I doubly endorse because I spend $100 a month on this gym. I don't think there's a day that goes by in which I don't intend to go to the gym, but there may be no easier thing on the planet on which to procrastinate than exercising.

- Save more money. Upgrading my PC is an investment, isn't it?

The list goes on, and I do have every attention of addressing it in due time, but frankly I'm putting the onus on Sean-Two-Weeks-From-Now. I imagine that in the future he will be better prepared than I to tackle these important issues. I just hope he doesn't let me down.